Excerpt
What It Seems
Sydney Blackburn © 2018
All Rights Reserved
Chapter One
Michael Eden did not believe in love at first sight—it was a completely ridiculous notion. First came attraction, or lust if one was to be blunt about it, then a discovery of shared interests and a passion for discussing opposite interests. And from that, an intimate history of shared experiences. There was a science to it, right down to the feeling. And that was cool; it was still a wonderful, magical thing, but it didn’t just happen instantly.
He believed that right up until the day he found himself on the closed set for a music video, dancing a complex choreography around the love of his life. She wasn’t the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen—she was slim to the point of being flat-chested, and her jaw was a little too square. But she had long dark-brown hair that hung in heavy waves around her shoulders, sexy legs, and her eyes, dear god, her eyes. Big and cinnamon brown, surrounded by long dark lashes. One look in those eyes and Michael Eden had lost his heart forever.
When filming ended, though, he couldn’t find her. All he knew was her first name. Darcy.
Over a year later, without ever finding her again, he still dreamed about her regularly. Dreamed of her eyes closing as her lips pressed to his, of her slender body against his. Dreamed her breasts barely apples in his hands, tiny, with perfect, rosy nipples. Sometimes his dreams were explicit enough to wake up covered in spunk, which was worse when he’d spent the night with a woman as much like his beloved Darcy as he’d been able to find.
They never satisfied him, not really, and he’d stopped picking up women for what was basically masturbation. Oh, he tried to make sure they got off, too, not because he wanted to please them so much as he felt guilty for pretending they were someone else. It wasn’t worth it.
His current gig was a production of Bite Me! at the Mermaid Theatre. He was assistant choreographer in addition to leading the chorus dancers, and while it wasn’t headline fame, it was satisfying. In fact, if he could just forget Darcy, his life would be close to perfect.
He shook his head briefly as he pedalled his bike home from the theatre. Maybe he should seek professional help. He grimaced, hating the very idea of a psychiatrist.
His phone chose that moment to chime. He knew it was Dave by the ringtone, and that it was a text by the vibration. Nothing he had to stop and answer.
He was sweating by the time he locked his bike into the sheltered rack behind his building and climbed the back stairs. It was a small three-story walk-up, built in the early fifties. His apartment still had a milk door outside the kitchen, although it had been long since blocked off and screwed shut. He couldn’t imagine someone carting crates of milk bottles up those stairs every morning to deliver to the apartments.
He flipped the air conditioner switch to suck out the July heat, put a pot of water on to boil for his mac and cheese, and took a quick shower before checking Dave’s text—it just read: Call me when u get a chance.
Michael finished his supper, supplementing the boxed meal with a small plastic clamshell of blackberries. His laptop was playing tunes in the background, and he left it on as he called Dave.
“Sup?”
“Michael! Hey, listen I need a favour.”
“Anything, buddy.”
“They’re going to be fumigating my place, so we all need to bug out for a couple of days. I was wondering if I could stay with you?”
Michael had a tiny one-bedroom apartment, and he knew he was lucky to be able to afford it. Most guys he knew had roommates or lived in apartments so small their kitchen was their bedroom. Dave could crash on his couch or sleep in his bed. Dave was gay and he was straight, but they’d been friends forever, and sleeping in the same bed was no big deal.
He and Dave had swapped hand jobs on occasion and once, while drunk, blowjobs. Dave had told Michael he was bisexual. Michael didn’t feel bisexual, though—more like an open-minded straight guy. Jerking another guy to relieve some horniness wasn’t the same as thinking guys were hot or wanting to date one.
“It’s not like we have sex,” he’d protested.
“Bro, even if your definition of sex is limited to dicks going into another person’s bodily orifice, blowjobs count.”
Michael had rolled his eyes and shook his head. “One time. It was one time. And alcohol was involved.”
“River in Egypt.”
He and Dave could sleep in the same bed with nothing remotely sexual too. They were friends, and once in a rare while, they shared special benefits and that was it.
Now he said, “How many days?”
“Two, three at the most. I guess ants are almost as hard to kill as roaches. That a problem? You finally got a real girlfriend?”
Michael laughed. “Nah. Still waiting to find the woman of my dreams.” He took a split second to think about it and said, “Of course you can stay.”
Truus Vermeer de Jong –
Darcy and Michael
Awesome story with wonderful main ‘actors’.
Michael can’t seem to erase a picture from his retina. A beautiful lady with the name Darcy
In his head this is THE perfect partner.. but he never saw her again. It’s been a year now.
Darcy is an actor and more than once he has to play a drag role. Darcy isn’t interested in dating and is happy to be in a quiet place, he is ace and never felt any kind of physical attraction to anyone.
Michael is so happy to find his Darcy again and isn’t even upset Darcy is a man, his attraction isn’t lesser.
They become friends and when Darcy needs to practice kissing he asks Michael to volunteer…
Darcy likes to kiss Michael and is kind of surprised by it.
A good written story with a sensitive and sincere friendship, the discovery of attraction, love and friendship … the freedom and the space they gave each other to express themselves was wonderful. Their connection is warm and new and in a way pure… they did find their own way in it and in this world.
Tanja –
This is a beautiful and sweet love story about self-discovery and friendship between two men, who realize that not everyone or everything is what it seems. This author always manages to write books that are slightly different from the standard, and this book is no exception.
Michael is immediately attracted to Darcy and falls in love with her beautiful eyes. A year later he discovers that Darcy is not the girl he thought she was, but a man. And he falls in love with his beautiful eyes all over again. Darcy has never felt any attraction towards men or women. But something about Michael is different. Michael thought he was straight until he sees Darcy again. Darcy always thought he was asexual until he stars practicing kissing with Michael.
The author takes the boys on a lovely journey and lets them realize that love, gender, and sexuality come in all different forms and that no labels are needed when you have that special connection with someone. Sexual orientation and sexual attraction are fluid. It is beautifully written with love and consideration. Bear in mind that this is a novella and that the author doesn’t dig in too deep, but more than enough to paint a lovely picture of two boys starting to realize there is more, much more on the sexual spectrum.
Teresa –
Reviewer: Teresa Fallen Angel
Summary:
Michael fell for a woman he met without knowing anything about her. Looks can be deceiving and Darcy isn’t exactly what he thought she was. During a shoot Darcy was asked to fill in for a sick actor, but the catch was she was a woman. Darcy’s beauty and androgenous figure worked in his favor fooling everyone. Michael finally had his chance and when he realized who Darcy was he didn’t turn away. Michael’s ability to accept Darcy for who he was after his huge mistake was inspiring. Michael has much soul searching to do as he begins to realize his feelings for Darcy could change everything and that is never easy. Darcy was a wonderful character who took life as it came forging his future as he saw fit.
Received for an honest review.
Elaine White –
** I WAS GIVEN THIS BOOK FOR MY READING PLEASURE **
Copy received through Netgalley
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What It Seems, by Sydney Blackburn
★★★★☆
66 Pages
POV: 3rd person, dual POV
Content Warning: ace/demi-sexual, self-discovery, a forced kiss
This was my first book by Blackburn and I really enjoyed it.
At first, their writing style felt strangely historical in nature. The way they described events and situations sounded more like a historical book than a modern/contemporary one, and confused me. I found it hard to get into, but the more the first chapter went on the more it began to feel more natural.
A similar thing happened with the characters. At first, I wasn’t sure about Michael. It felt like he was overly desperate, fantasising about Darcy without ever knowing anything about them. Then the forced-kiss happened and it was another strike of desperation that didn’t help endear me to Michael. By then, we’d seen Darcy’s POV and the hint had been lain out that he was ace/aro so that when Michael kissed it, it felt even more invasive than it would have on any other unsuspecting person. Because, by then, we knew Darcy had never been kissed and stealing someone’s first kiss like that is brutal.
Personally, I thought it would have had much more impact if we hadn’t seen Darcy’s POV until *after* the kiss, when Michael realised Darcy was a man. That would have had twice the impact, especially since Michael had done such an intense job of reminding himself he was straight. I also think it would have had *more* impact if we hadn’t known about Dave’s insistence he was Bi, until *after* the kiss, as well.
For me, Michael over-emphasised his straight-ness all throughout the book. That “he doth protest too much” was in overdrive. Especially with things like this cropping up:
“Dave had told Michael he was bisexual. Michael didn’t feel bisexual, though—more like an open-minded straight guy. Jerking another guy to relieve some horniness wasn’t the same as thinking guys were hot or wanting to date one.”
Darcy, for me, was the shining light of the book. While I’m Ace myself and always love Ace representation in books, I completely understand the direction of the story. Because, no, not everyone discovers their true orientation at first, or early on. Sometimes, you try a label on that you believe fits, and then circumstances happen that completely shock you and rock your world. That’s entirely realistic, but I also get why the publisher marked it as both ace and demi, because it really is both. The Ace representation isn’t any worse-off for the fact Darcy later realises he’s actually demi and not Ace, because the author did such a good job of showing both in a realistic and genuine light.
I was actually really confused by the whole “queue” hairstyle that was constantly mentioned, because there was no explanation of what it was. Once I Googled it and discovered it was a Chinese hairstyle (basically a plait) I was confused about why it had been chosen instead of a plait or ponytail. Was it somehow symbolic of the character’s ethnicity? If so, that was never made clear. A little explanation would have gone a long way to helping me understand. Along with a POV change without a break, and a few instances of editing, this was another small piece of editing that could have elevated the book.
For me, the story was two halves. The first was shaky and left me not sure what to make of Michael and the situation that brought him and Darcy together. I still think the order left out major opportunities for intrigue and excitement. But, the second half of the book really helped make up for that. It took the journey of self-discovery for both MC’s and really made them shine, individually and apart.
The writing was a bit literary at times, so when the swearing or sexy parts came, it felt a tad unnatural. There were some editing issues. The consent problem was nicely resolved by Darcy’s reaction to it, in my opinion, and it became a real story about love, friendship, discovery and what it meant to be true to oneself.
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Favourite Quotes
“I love sex, I really do, but if I have to choose between it and you, I pick you. My life…oh god, Darcy. My life without you would be so…bleak, so empty.”