It Begins

Excerpt

It Begins
Eule Grey © 2025
All Rights Reserved

Prologue

Oxford. October 31st, 1980

Sid

It begins on Halloween with seven students sitting awkwardly around a table damaged by scratches and deep claw markings an animal must have caused: Elvin, Ed, Vernon, Lily, Veronica, Ola, and me, Sid. Although it’s my first time here, I recognise Ed and Vernon from lectures.

Ola dragged me here in the rain and the cold, all very dramatic. To be honest, I’m surprised no one’s wearing a silly Halloween witch hat or something. I didn’t want to join a crappy society, but she said it would help me make friends. I’m ashamed she noticed I hadn’t made any. She’s weird though. One time, I bumped into her in my dorm corridor, and she was carrying a book about embalming and taxidermy. I asked her what on earth she was reading. She laughed. Beneath the lamp, her face reminded me of an old, rotting potato.

“Just in case I need to steal a body,” she said, leering like a rabid dog seeking flesh to bite into. I realise she was joking, but I was terrified. Still am.

She catches me studying the others and elbows me in the ribs, whispering, “You’re staring. Try to fit in.”

Oh, god. Already, I’ve embarrassed her. Earlier, when we were chatting about the group, Ola’s unblinking eyes reminded me of an owl. Something about her isn’t right. She’s eighteen, the same age as me, but she seems way older, and her accent slips between posh and old-fashioned. I’m not even sure she’s a student. I asked her what course she’s on. She made a growling sound and said, “Fun and games.”

Right, yeah, very helpful, not.

Why are the others in this stinky room when they could be winning awards or making conquests? Vernon’s trying and failing to impress Ed and the women. Having sex is probably the limit of his desires, but I don’t know for sure. He licks his lips often, eyes on Lily’s chest. He reminds me of an orangutan with his red hair and long limbs. His desperation is not appealing.

Lily is an ice queen from a Hollywood movie, wearing a light blue cloak and matching sapphire earrings. Who the fuck wears a cloak? Those shiny stones could pay my rent for the rest of my life. The only clue about her motives is how her body constricts as if kicked when Veronica inches closer.

Ola told me earlier that Veronica is Chinese. Veronica doesn’t seem happy to be here or to exist at all. Her long dark hair is lank and unwashed. She wears beige, apologetic clothing.

Ed is a wanker extraordinaire and a bully. I encountered him during Fresher’s Week, when he treated me like a servant, saying I should fetch his drinks and be grateful. The bastard was incredulous that I was invited into any space he frequented, and he showed this by crossing his muscular arms, diminishing me with a scornful what-the-fuck expression. I expect he’s bored with college, money, and winning. Maybe he wants a different experience. To fail? To be hurt? Degradation? And now I’m aroused and also sickened, which is a surprisingly thrilling combination.

The person I’m most interested in is Elvin, Elvin, Elvin. Inside my head, his name turns into a soft, sexy whisper. The guy’s super handsome, brown-skinned, fit, with hair I wish I could play with. Shit, though, he’s wearing a waistcoat with an actual historical watch fob, for fuck’s sake. First a cloak and now a waistcoat. What’s up with these people?

Elvin sits stiffly at the table head, peering at a neat, organised folder. When I skimmed his society diaries, pinned to the board on the door, I noticed he handwrote them with an old-fashioned ink pen, which I’m guessing belongs to him.

Maybe he’s as lonely as me. Why else wear a ridiculous, tight waistcoat if not to keep himself from spilling out? Everything about him fascinates and draws me in. I’ve often followed him around campus, staying out of sight. I’m good at that. Elvin’s always alone, the same as me. I can’t begin to guess what he’s doing here.

Maybe the most pressing question is, what do I want from this unlikely group of students? The answer is tragically simple—to escape the emptiness eating at me since starting college and probably all my life. For years, I toiled to be the first kid from the children’s home to reach Oxford University. Now I’m here—urgh. When did I last enjoy anything? I want to feel, to know I’m alive instead of chasing rich arseholes who beat me on every level.

Ola has forgotten about me. I expect her act of charity is complete now she’s dragged me here. She wanders away and perches on the table beside Lily, admiring the obscene cloak trying to butter up Veronica while all the time resembling a lizard inside a human skin Yuk. Maybe she really has been mummified. Each time she moves her hand, nasty scabs of dried skin land on the table. Ugh. Lily’s trying, and failing, not to appear revolted.

Everyone’s chatting except me and Elvin. I’m used to being on the outside but still feel utterly alone and lonely. Where and how should I sit? Would it be better for me to leave?

Okay, that’s it, I’m off.

I stand, trying to make as little fuss as possible when I slip away.

One person notices my discomfort: Elvin. He pats the chair next to him. “Good evening. You’re welcome. Please, don’t be nervous. Sit, and let’s chat.” BBC accent, bright, hazelnut eyes holding me. And look—the fountain pen peeping from a tiny, embroidered breast pocket. I’d failed to notice his gorgeous, cheeky, shy, irresistible smile though.

Wow.

Sit with Elvin? Oh, yeah. I hurtle across the room gracelessly and gratefully fall into the seat he’s patting. “Thanks. Thank you.” I’m sure he knows about the rip in my jacket, which I bought from a charity shop, and the hole in my shoe.

Elvin watches me intently, the doctor assessing symptoms, not missing a trick. “What’s Ola told you? Our quaint little society must seem rather unusual to newcomers. We had to request permission to use the room.” He grins at me conspiratorially.

Room? I don’t know what he means, so I smile hopefully, my heart racing.

He waits politely, and a little impatiently, for my answer, pen poised, ready to add a ‘pass’ tick against my name.

Like always in this hellish shithole, I don’t understand the rules of the game. “Er, well, she told me you’re doing social research for your studies. I could use the research, too, for my dissertation about peer pressure. And make friends.” Oh god. Why did I admit I have no mates to the most handsome guy I’ve ever met?

He waits for more, watching, always watching.

I’m tired enough to give up, roll over, and die. Why do the students always want more? Don’t they know I have nothing to offer people who own everything.

But I very much want to impress Elvin, so I try again. There are no clues about why this room is special among the many hideous paintings of horses or the stylish furniture. If I had to guess, I’d say this is a place where no one has ever been kind. “It’s a great room. The library is awesome,” I say, referring to a dark corner, which contains a small library filled with weird shit about reincarnation, from what I can see.

Elvin’s shoulders sag. He plays dismissively with his pricey pen. Whatever it was, I’ve failed the test. “Mm-hmm. We’re tired of library learning. We wish to test the boundaries.”

I imagine his life as a series of boarding schools and posh tea parties. However, I really, really want to know him, so I try again. “The room suits your purpose.” It’s a phrase I heard on the news last night in the common room. The broadcaster discussed an ancient, supposedly haunted pub. The new landlord said his ales all bore spooky names.

It works. Elvin leans towards me, chin in his hand, eyes burning with undisguised interest. “Indeed. Did you get a chance to explore the library?”

The way his eyes undress me—ugh, so good.

After an agonising and arousing few seconds, he offers a hand to shake. The only time I’ve ever shaken a hand was during my university interview when I held out the wrong paw. “Er, no, not yet,” I mumble.

He grabs my hand as if he’s reaching for a lifeboat.

The room lurches.

Jesus. It’s only a handshake, but it could be the start of more. Acknowledgement, interest, and attraction flares between us brighter than a flame. Does he feel it too? My skin sings; a muscle on his cheek twitches.

Could it be?

Is he queer too? Honestly, my main reason for attending college was to meet clever, queer boys and girls. In my wildest dreams, it would be awesome to kiss one while the other watches. Never in my wildest dreams have I considered sex in a posh room with a creepy library, but I’m not fussy.

The temperature inexplicably drops. It’s been a warm autumn, so no one here wears a jumper or a jacket. Although I was too hot a moment ago, my toes have become cold enough to drop off. It’s probably a coincidence that the lights flicker and fail.

Elvin squeezes my hand. “Ah. I should’ve warned you about the temperature. Nobody knows why it sinks into the negative numbers sometimes. The lights don’t work either.” He stands and goes to light tall, churchy candles on the window ledges. “Apparently, the electricity in the room often fails. Still—very Halloween, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” All we did in the children’s home at Halloween was apple bobbing and hiding from the bullies.

He calmly sits back down, retaking my hand. Again, my skin tingles from his touch. “How come I haven’t seen you around? Sid, isn’t it?” His voice, treacly caramel, dribbles into my parched loneliness, not enough to quench me, sufficient to make me want more.

I want Elvin to watch me come.

I have never experienced a thought so direct in my life.

It wasn’t a thought but an inner voice.

Then, I want to watch Elvin come.

I hallucinate Elvin, cradling my jaw with strong hands, his expression serious and intense before he undresses me in a crowded room. Fortunately, the room is alive with undercurrents and activity; otherwise, I might erupt with repressed desire.

Elvin appears just as energised, squirming in his chair with a semi.

A semi? What’s happening to me? I mean, sure, I’m always thinking about sex, but not usually so blatantly, and I never experience such vivid fantasies. I don’t know whether I’ve been drugged or what, but I’m off-kilter and dozy.

In the hallucination, Elvin undresses me slowly until I’m naked and hard. The other members of this group caress and touch me while Elvin encourages me to enjoy their praise, telling me how gorgeous I am, becoming visibly aroused from my pleasure.

The hallucination dissipates. The room changes. I can’t fully explain how the furniture and carpet blurred and swayed, pulsing as though someone was trapped inside their fibres, desperate to get out. I’m not as bothered by it as I should be. It’s more interesting than sitting by myself in my room. As long as Elvin keeps drooling at me as if he wants to eat me, I don’t give a fuck about undulating walls or a table morphing into a monster.

Meanwhile, Elvin plays with my hand, stroking the sensitive skin between each finger and making circles with one of his.

He. Is. Definitely. Queer.

I usually make my mind up slowly. This time, my attraction is instant and intense. “I’m good with Sid. Okay with you?”

He smiles cheekily. “Oh, it’s very much okay with me.”

I hallucinate sitting on his lap, riding him hard as he loses control…

Seeming not to care that everyone is watching us, he massages both wrists, then drops my hands lightly, politely, and shoots a furtive glance Ed’s way.

Ed. Why is he everywhere, all the time?

Once everyone falls silent, Elvin raps the table, stuttering a little, which makes my chest hurt. “G-good evening on Halloween, 1980. I want to welcome Sid to the group. He’s the seventh member of our society. We’re fortunate to have him. The group is complete now, ready to achieve brilliant outcomes. It begins.”

The others say hi or hello. Ed sniffs and turns away, letting everyone know how he feels about poor people, scum, like me.

His attitude isn’t new but reinforces every rebuke I’ve ever experienced. Why bother with any of this? I might as well leave right now and never return. Ola pities me, Elvin too. I don’t belong. Never will.

I sink into a familiar, lonely despair.

But it’s not over. Elvin digests Ed’s short, impactful spectacle before bulleting out a word. “Ed.”

Ed reacts quickly, snarling, “What does he want?” Raising his voice and addressing me slowly, he adds, “Good. Evening. Sid.” He turns my name into dog shit.

I’ve had enough and make to rise.

Elvin pulls me back, exuding anger and strength, yet his touch on my hand is achingly gentle. “We use manners here, Edward, or you can piss off. Would a civilised person kindly explain to Sid the nature of our business?”

I sink back into my seat, wishing I’d never come.

Ed snarls like he means to kill me. Amazingly, he doesn’t argue with Elvin.

Lily smiles at me. “Welcome to the group, Sid. We’re doing dares.”

Dares? I hallucinate being on my knees naked in front of Elvin while Ed has to watch, hands tied behind his back, wearing a sheep’s mask.

Stop it, I tell myself.

Vernon scoffs at Lily, hungry eyes brushing her chest. “Challenges, not dares. Write a desire or craving on the card, Sid, and pass it to Elvin so we can start the games. When your card is picked it’s your turn to be challenged, see? We couldn’t properly begin while we were six.” His eyes flit between Lily and Ed. It’s not me he’s trying to impress.

Elvin scowls at Vernon’s explanation but smiles cutely, blushing a little. “Sometimes the challenges become, er, sexual, Sid, so you’re aware. Is that okay with you? Most group members are fine with, um, exploring sexual desires and limitations. We—everyone here is, er, queer. Our term assignment is about sex and society.”

Sexual? Did he say sexual? Now I’m interested, and so are my jeans. “Okay with me, yeah. I’m queer too.” Very much so, actually, Elvin.

Elvin winks with cheeks on fire. “Great! So far, we’ve only messed about. Just so you understand what you’re getting yourself into—the trials can be intense. Sex is complex, right?”

He pauses to gaze at me, to shower me with unbridled interest. “The challenges we initiate may cause people to, er, relive events they’ve repressed. Those amongst us with traumatic pasts are more vulnerable.” He flinches, addressing the group, but I’m sure he means me.

Vulnerable?

Children’s homes.

Ola’s watchful eyes almost pop out of her head. She laughs without mirth. “Don’t scare Sid away! We want him to stay and play. The group should be aware of safety at all times. We mustn’t compromise the room or its history.”

Should be aware? Play?

Vernon almost brays himself off the chair. “Ah, piss off. We’re adults. Lead me to the fucking, Macduff.”

The group dissolves into heated whispers, stopping when Elvin raises one finger.

“Quiet, please. Um, there’s a consent form. It’s only a formality to protect the college should an activity go wrong.” He turns to face me, his eyelashes fluttering shyly.

I’m sure he’s asking for a date. I’d strip right now for him. “Absolutely.”

Strip? Would I?

I sign the forms without reading any of them. Who cares. I’ve got nothing to lose. To be honest, I’ve given up on losing my cherry.

The temperature rises. Elvin looks around, gathering us in. “Shall we begin with an initiation or sacrifice? We don’t have to, but it might be fun.”

I’m freezing again. I swear someone is screaming inside my head, or maybe it’s only an electrical fault.

Vernon rocks back and forth in his seat, causing it to creak.

Lily becomes interested at last, bouncing up and down in her seat. “Yes, an offering. It’s how it started, in this very room. I’ve analysed the room accounts for hours.”

Everyone turns to face me.

Elvin questions me quietly, intimately, as if it’s just us two. “I’m assuming you know the legend about this room? Only those with serious intentions are granted permission to initiate a new group every Halloween, or so Ola says.”

I have no clue what he’s asking or what Lily is on about, so I smile and shrug. “Yes, but tell me anyway. And—of course, I want to join. I’ve always been interested in sexual dynamics. Who doesn’t want to understand themself better?” How the fuck I don’t laugh, I’ll never know. Sexual dynamics? My experience boils down to a hand job behind the school science department, a few frustrating snogs, and a lot of dreaming. It is true, however, that I’ve fantasised about stuff I don’t understand, like being publicly fucked in a field filled with sheep. But I don’t suppose this group means anything more by sexual dynamics than talk and tease.

All that matters is that I could listen to Elvin talk all day, and I’m not the only one. Every group member hangs on to his every word, dolphins at the zoo, waiting for a ‘well done’ fish. Even Ed adores Elvin, watching him with greedy eyes when Elvin stands.

Elvin raps on the table and waits until silence returns. “Two hundred years ago today, seven people formed a society. Their vision was to explore their hidden and forbidden passions. They were interested in all sorts of gothic gruesome practices such as mummification, taxidermy, and reincarnation. Anyone fancy a new body?” He grins, flashing his eyes dramatically.

Lily speaks in a loud whisper. “The Macabre Club. They used a boy from the workhouse as a sexual sacrifice to the devil.”

“Rafael, a servant, bought from the workhouse with his sister by the group leader,” Elvin interjects. “There’s proof he was having a relationship with the group leader, Frederick Wiley—a forbidden relationship, obviously, given the times, and probably nonconsensual. Rafael was reportedly dangerous and volatile, so his sister, Olatella, cared for and protected him. These days, Rafael might be described as mentally unstable. Olatella was also a servant. Forced to take part in whatever went on here and probably ridiculed and humiliated, they were bought to be used for the pleasure of rich, privileged students. Disgusting.”

Veron’s breathing becomes erratic. He licks his lips. “And arousing. They stripped Raf naked and carried him to the altar, on show, like—like an animal in the market.”

Ola rises and then sits back down, hissing, “Rafael.” A tooth flies from her mouth, falling onto the table with a quiet pop.

I’m shocked, distressed, and powerless to react. By the others’ frozen expressions, I assume they are similarly entrapped in a silent hell with no exit.

The temperature plummets further. A piercing coldness envelops us in an unholy, tight hug, not unlike a deadly disease. It emanates from outside my body and is far from my understanding, but then it’s inside me. It happens too fast for me to protest or experience fear.

Everyone falls silent for a second or two. We shiver.

Until Lily curls her lip. “Vernon, you worry me. Examine your motives for taking part. Sadists, we are not.” She blinks at Veronica. “Not here anyway.”

Elvin smooths the shifting atmosphere again with a raised finger. Appearing uncomfortable, he unbuttons his waistcoat and then hugs himself. “The altar was in this very room. There’s no account of what happened during the ceremony, so don’t bother searching; Lily already did. However, we do know Rafael died from lack of air, and his sister tried to strangle a group member. Some said Rafael suffocated inside a mask.

“Afterwards, the group was disbanded, and Frederick drank himself to death. The sister vanished. This room was sealed for a while, but rumours of hauntings and reincarnations persisted, and then the college reopened it. Some say the ghost of Rafael’s sister, tasked with making her brother happy, haunts the place and inhabits the body of any corpse she can find. Gruesome, yes? This college has always been plagued by grave robbing nonsense.”

Elvin laughed grimly. “I guess Rafael and Olatella’s hatred of privileged students will never die. Who could blame them? Each year, a new group initiates a series of challenges. After Ola told me about the legend, I submitted a request to the dean’s secretary to lead a group.”

Died? People died?

“It’s horrible,” Lily says miserably, looking for the door.

Elvin nods eagerly. “Indeed. The knowledge about reincarnation and mummification was never concluded or published—a great pity. Still, from what I’ve heard, most groups have great fun exploring their desires. What’s in our wildest dreams? Depravity? Fun?” He stares full-on at me. “Voyeurism?” He doesn’t appear to understand that the lack of a conclusion was not the tragedy

Jesus Christ. Yes, please.

Ed, who has been jiggling his foot on his knee, clowning around, leaps up, knocking his chair to the ground. “I’m giving you five minutes. Otherwise, I’m off. This is all shit.” But when Elvin raises an eyebrow, pointing to Ed’s seat, Ed sits back down, blond hair tumbling over his flushed face. Again, his acquiescence makes me hard. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think Ed is hard too.

The group continues with the discussion as if Ed were not present.

“What do we know about the ceremony?” Veronica asks, her voice nervous and high-pitched.

Elvin shuffles some papers, squinting at the spidery script. “From what I can gather—Lily will correct me if I get anything wrong—they placed a, um, naked Rafael on the altar with no clear plan other than to explore the suppressed desires and morality of the group. He was tied up, wearing a mask. Group members swore their lusts alerted a horny ghost, if you will. Nonsense, of course. There are no demons or ghosts but what’s inside us.”

Beneath the table, he circles one finger up and down my lower arm. I imagine his careful hands on my body. My trousers grow tight enough to burst.

Lily nods. “They wanted to see what the group would do when all strictures were removed, but they didn’t reckon on extraneous factors. One member claimed the room had always been haunted. Don’t forget, this was long ago. There were rumours around the college of murders. Corpses disappeared from the local graveyard, as well as embalming fluid. People believed in the devil.”

She stabs Vernon with a silver pen. “Ask yourself why you’re here. We must have honesty between us if we are to be safe when they were not. A psychotic, sadistic group member could lead to disaster and tragedy, as it did with Rafael.”

Ola fidgets and wriggles until everyone falls silent. “We’re not going to kill or hurt anyone. Right? I wanted to take my top off, not bring Oxford into disrepute. This booking comes with instructions which we must follow.” Her cold eyes flit from me to Elvin. “Just follow the rules, and everything will be fine. We’re here to play, not enter a serious relationship or commitment. Once we begin, there’s no turning back or stopping until the final game. Don’t forget it, please.” She raises her voice. “There. Is. No. Stopping.”

Ed sniggers. “Shut it. Go right ahead. Take your top off, love.”

Vernon makes a lewd gesture at Ola. Beneath the table, Elvin runs a hand up and down my thigh.

“Right,” he says. “According to the rumours, Rafael’s ghost insists on being in charge. He hates it when students fall in love with one another instead of with him. Sweet, and also sad. Love isn’t something you can control, or so they say. I wouldn’t know.”

He smiles at me so shyly I think I might faint. “Um. Yeah. Safety. We’re accountable to the law, of course. It would be counterproductive to do anything that compromises the research. Will anyone volunteer to be our sacrifice at the initiation? It should be the last member to join if we are to follow the rules. The sacrifice is merely a formality, really, a starting gun. All you must do is name your desire and…let the fun and learning commence.” His hand glides over my cock.

I don’t mean to gasp quite so loudly when he unzips me and pushes aside my jeans. The cold air is wildly exciting. I’m having sex!

Vernon gazes directly at my cock, and then, one by one, everyone else does. I was sure I’d been sitting with my knees beneath the table. I must’ve inched backwards. My body is on display.

Elvin smiles kindly and distantly as he thoroughly massages my cock and balls. “Sid? What do you say, old man?”

The cold intensifies.

I split in half. My new life begins. I watch one version of myself, the smelly kid in social care, leave the room while the new me allows Elvin to jerk me off slowly, agonisingly, deliciously, and publicly. My hands move behind my back as if somebody places and holds them there; my body arches backwards over my chair. I’m exposed and vulnerable to whatever the fuck is going on, and it’s terrific.

Elvin unbuttons my shirt and throws it aside. He calmly tweaks my nipples, stroking my body until I’m overwhelmed with pleasure, unable to keep quiet. Everyone watches me jerk like a puppet, but I only want to please Elvin.

I become aware that something inside me controls my voice and body. I don’t understand. At this point, I’m not particularly scared.

The Other speaks inside me for the first time. Pretty boy. Do it. Be the sacrifice.

Elvin gives my aching, straining cock a final stroke. “Hey, don’t worry, Sid. It’s just that the first sacrifice was naked. We don’t have to be the same…”

The Other says, Strip.

It’s not entirely my voice, but it comes from my lips. “I don’t mind undressing if you’ll help me. I’m practically naked anyway.” I stand, glad to move before we all change our minds about the sex that I hope is about to happen.

Elvin is happy to oblige, peeling off my remaining layers without breaking eye contact. It’s not as if I didn’t dream about this sort of thing happening, and I’m still not scared.

It’s awesome.

The cool air on my body, the buzz of the attention, knowing everyone is watching, goes to my head and my stiff cock. I’ll do anything Elvin asks, even without the Other’s control.

Sweet boy, says the Other.

It’s arousing to be publicly naked. I take a step backwards so Elvin is forced to look me up and down, with my cock bobbing about and my arms folded behind me.

Elvin’s eyes go all over me. He laughs low and breathlessly. “Lovely. You’re certainly not shy, are you?”

I speak in a voice I’ve never heard before. “Not inside my head anyway.”

Elvin turns me slowly in a circle, stroking my body, which makes me pant softly. I’m his, worthy of admiration, his hands gliding possessively across my skin. I’ve never been harder or more into anything.

Six greedy pairs of eyes devour my body and my willing submission. I’m as alive as I’ve ever been. Finally, I fit. Now I’m accepted.

Elvin squeezes my hand. “Ready?” He unravels a yoga mat and places it on the ancient table, then helps me up.

The others arrange my arms and legs however they wish, stroking my body while Elvin watches me, watching him.

I’ll look after you, the Other—Rafael says.